Confessions of a Widow
One of the awesome things about the YWBB is that we know we can say things here that we can't say elsewhere... things we MIGHT tell our best friend, but would never say to our family.
With that in mind... (hehehehehe)
- I am hornier now than I have been at any time since my mid 20s.
- My kids have been eating fish sticks and canned soup for a week.
- I really don't CARE what people think about my absence from church for the last few months.
- I bought my first "toy" 9 months after Nick died.
- I have no idea how much money I have in my checking account.
- I haven't worn a bra all weekend, not even to the grocery store -- and those of you who know me know how "significant" that is.
- I have consumed more alcohol in the 18 months since Nick died than I did in the 13 years we were together.
- Ramen, lots of ramen.
- According to Quicken, I spent $1,773.92 at my local liquor stores in 2005. Granted, I had help consuming all that wine, vodka, and B&B, but that doesn't even include drinks at friends' houses or widder dinners.
- My mouth has become a sewer. I never cared much for foul language, but now ... egads
- I won't pour myself a glass of wine in the afternoon ... so I just swig it from the bottle.
- Shave my legs? Only when someone who matters is likely to see them! (I shave my pits slightly more often.)
- I spend more waking hours in front of the computer than anywhere else.
- I've started spanking my 3YO
![[Frown]](http://www.ywbb.org/ubb/frown.gif)
something my DH and I agreed we would never do. - As a side effect of trying to reduce the CFCs* from my diet, I have developed a craving for gummis... gummi worms, gummi bears, gummi fish, sour grubs, and so on....
* CFCs = calories from chocolate
1 comment:
I have had an active sex life until the mate died. I masturbate, unsuccessfully most of the time, at least once a day.
I have no idea how I would react to having sex with another man after 20 years of the best sex I ever dreamed of.
I eat until the cupboards are empty and then I go to the store.
I only have 124.00 in checking and 200.00 in savings. I don't get paid for 5 more days. Gas is killing me.
I have not moved from the house today except to let the dogs out.
I have to go to the store. The lawn mower won't work, either of them, the furnace is not working. The water heater does not work right. I can't fix any of it until the mate's motorcycle sells. I don't really care.
I bought nair. Two bottles. I have used it once.
I have made a point of avoiding drinking and drugs, prescribed or not because I want to feel the pain of our love as well as the joy of it. To experience the whole of loving my man.
I don't know if I can continue that pattern much longer. The bottles pull at me.
'Ware your anger at the world falling on those around you, mine has and it's huge and hurtful.
You can't do everything alone. Look for help. When you can't get it find an alternative. I will rent a lawn mower....
I get up go to work come home feed animals do chores and look for something to fill the hours of my life so I have taken my guitar back up.
My fingers hurt from the strings.
I hate coming home now where it used to be I would not even remember to stop at the store on the way home because I wanted to be here with him. He was the same way.
Perhaps, he could have been here hurting like this, perhaps I am dealing with the pain so he does not have to, perhaps I can get through it if I think of it that way.
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